This past weekend, me and my partner decided to visit a Gay Lounge in South Florida, which is different of us, considering I’m not big on going out to bars and clubs. We sat down at the bar, ordered our drinks, and took in the environment. I didn’t expect to receive a lesson from a Gay elder!
A man leaned over to my partner and asked, “Are you on a first date?”
My partner chuckled and responded, “no, we’ve been together for 2 years!”
The relationship coach in me began to panic! His question triggered an insecurity I didn’t realize was there: “How do people perceive us?” As a relationship coach, people should KNOW we’re dating by our interaction. My mind began to race with a millions questions!
The Questions:
- “Are we not affection enough with each other?“
- “Are we emotionally disconnected?”
- “Do I practice what I preach?“
- “Omg… am I a fraud!?“
After spiraling for a minute, I leaned over and joined the conversation. I extend my hand and introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Danny! What’s your name?“
He took my hand, looked me in the eyes, and responded; “Hi, I’m Dave.”
I immediately noticed the wedding band he was wearing on his left ring finger. One of the rings had what appeared to be a diamond on a halo band. The other one was an infinity band, covered in diamonds. Dave wore a Hawaiian shirt, short blue shorts, two gold bracelets covered in diamonds, transition lenses that were rectangular in shape, and a gold necklace.
Dave looked like a man who enjoyed life, people, and creating new friendships. He would periodically lean in, in between me and my partners conversations, and strike up a conversation or ask questions. Mid-way through our night and two drinks in, he leaned over and said, “congratulations on 2 years, cherish it! I lost the love of my life 18 years ago.” At that instant, I saw a man who was longing for connection. Little did I know, I would receive a lesson in love by a 70 year old man at a Gay Lounge.
Dave’s Wisdom
“Choose Love Everyday”
In a world filled with excessive options, the result can be dissatisfaction in our romantic relationships. The necessity to CHOOSE love above temptation is incredibly important.
- Choose to resolve that argument with your partner.
- Choose to spend quality time with your partner.
- Choose forgiveness over anger.
- Choose to say, “I love you,” every chance you get.
- Choose love everyday.
“Prioritize Connection over Beauty”
I think we can all acknowledge that physical beauty is prioritized in the Gay community. In my opinion, the emphasis on beauty has reached toxic levels, resulting in many men feeling ostracized for not “fitting the mold.” The truth is, beauty fades. No amount of botox, fillers, or procedures is going to reverse the aging process. If you’re an elder man, you have EARNED that white hair and wrinkles and I believe you should wear them proudly.
Allowing yourself to focus on a connection with your partner, be it emotional or mental, will ensure a happy and fulfilling relationship in the long-run.
“Memories are Your Life’s Movie”
Time can be your friend or your enemy. In a world where time seems to be flying by, you can look up one day and realize a portion of your life has gone by and you don’t remember it. Forming memories with the people you love is one of the BEST ways to live a fulfilling life. Do yourself a favor:
- Go on that vacation you’ve dreamt of!
- Plan that dinner date with your friends!
- Try that hobby you’ve been to “busy” to try!
- Laugh with your partner!
As a relationship coach, I sometimes feel I’ve seen, heard, and experienced it all. Dave was a reminder that I am very much a student of life, and there are people out there that have the experience and wisdom that I will achieve with more time on this earth. Dave reminded me to put my phone away and connect with the people around me. We are all individuals having a subjective experience on this earth and what connects us is our willingness to share that experience with someone else.
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