As a Bisexual man, I have experienced rejection from both the Heterosexual community and the Gay community which resulted in me feeling lost for quite some time. I never understood the “disgust” people had with people who identified as Bisexual, especially since Gay men have experienced that level of hatred before so, why perpetuate it? To be honest, I can understand it a little more from the Heterosexual community because many of them don’t understand the concept of sexuality being on a spectrum, but from other members of the LGBTQ+ community? Crazy.
I wanted to dispel some of the common misconceptions about Bisexuality from the perspective of a Bisexual man.
How about we start by defining Bisexuality and what it means to be Bisexual. In it’s simplest terms, it is an attraction to more than one gender. For the purposes of this article, we are going to discuss Bisexuality in terms of being attracted to (men/women). That being said, I want to acknowledge there are different forms of Bisexuality which is referred to as Bi+ (Pansexual, Omnisexual, Polysexual, Fluid, etc.)
I’ve known I was Bisexual since I was young even if I didn’t know the definition, but I knew I was different. I knew I wasn’t straight or gay because I always had an attraction to both men and women. On top of that, my attraction varied depending on the person. I have always said:
“I am attracted to the person, not their appendage.”
In high school, I dates girls because for one, I wasn’t out of the closet, but also because I was physically and emotionally attracted to them. I dated my fiancé (a woman) for 13 years and we met my freshman year of college.
We broke up for 1 year after I came out to her as Bisexual so that I could explore my sexuality and even though I thoroughly enjoyed my experiences with men during that time, I knew our story wasn’t over so we got back together. After our breakup, I started dating again and met A LOT of interesting men, some women, but found myself far more interested in seriously dating men. I am currently in a relationship with my partner and we’ve been together for a little over 2 years.
Here’s why I mention this…
Being Bisexual does not make us overly promiscuous, untrustworthy, confused, or any other stigma that has been assigned to us from both the Gay community and the Heterosexual community. We are NO different than any other person out there who finds themselves looking for love or a connection – be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. I can honestly say, I’ve NEVER cheated on a partner. I can’t say that it would never happen because I can’t predict the future, but I have a great track record so far!
When it comes to the topic of promiscuity, I absolutely had my fun when I was single but I was always respectful and communicative. To be 100% honest, my “body count” is FAR less than many of the people I’ve met or my friends that are Gay. I don’t say that to shame them because there is no reason to, they have every right to enjoy their bodies and express themselves in anyway they see fit; again, I say it to dispel the stigmas and lies that are told about us Bisexual men.
So what are the stigmas and common misconceptions tied to being Bisexual?
#1: Bisexuality equals promiscuity.
#2: Bisexuality is a phase.
#3: Bisexuality means attraction to both genders, equally.
“When people see ‘bisexual,’ they still confuse it with promiscuity, which is so wrong. So I was so pumped to be the first bisexual on Riverdale and just normalize that for viewers.”
-Vanessa Morgan
TIPS FOR DATING A BISEXUAL MAN
1. Understand Bisexuality
Educate Yourself:
First and foremost, take the time to educate yourself about bisexuality. Understand that bisexuality means an attraction to more than one gender, and this attraction can vary in intensity and expression. It’s not about being confused or indecisive; it’s a legitimate and valid sexual orientation.
Acknowledge Fluidity:
Recognize that sexual orientation can be fluid. Just because someone identifies as bisexual doesn’t mean their attraction to different genders is always equal or constant. Be open to the fact that his experiences and attractions may evolve over time.
2. Open & Honest Communication
Discuss Expectations:
Have open and honest conversations about your relationship expectations. This includes discussing monogamy, polyamory, and other relationship structures. Make sure both of you are on the same page to avoid misunderstandings.
Ask Questions Respectfully:
It’s natural to have questions about his bisexuality, but ask them with respect and without judgment. Avoid prying or making assumptions, and let him share what he’s comfortable with.
3. Build Trust & Security
Trust is Key:
Trust is fundamental in any relationship, but it’s especially important here. Don’t let stereotypes about bisexuality lead you to doubt his fidelity or commitment. Trust him as you would any other partner.
Avoid Ignorant Stereotypes:
Be mindful of stereotypes or stigmas that you may believe. Avoid questioning his loyalty or suggesting that his bisexuality makes him more likely to cheat. Remember, bisexuality does not equate to infidelity.
4. Support & Affirmation
Trust is Key:
Trust is fundamental in any relationship, but it’s especially important here. Don’t let stereotypes about bisexuality lead you to doubt his fidelity or commitment. Trust him as you would any other partner.
Avoid Ignorant Stereotypes:
Be mindful of stereotypes or stigmas that you may believe. Avoid questioning his loyalty or suggesting that his bisexuality makes him more likely to cheat. Remember, bisexuality does not equate to infidelity.
5. Addressing Jealousy & Insecurities
Understand Your Feelings:
It’s normal to feel jealousy or insecurity in any relationship. Reflect on these feelings and discuss them openly with your partner. Addressing these emotions together can help build a stronger bond.
Focus on Your Relationship:
Focus on the unique connection you share with him. Every relationship is different, and what matters most is the love, trust, and respect you have for each other.
6. Respect Privacy & Boundaries
Privacy is Important:
Respect his privacy and boundaries regarding his sexual orientation and past relationships. Everyone has the right to decide how much they want to share about their personal history.
Boundaries are Important:
Discuss and respect each other’s boundaries in the relationship. This includes emotional, physical, and social boundaries. Clear boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings and promote mutual respect.
7. Celebrate Your Relationship
Embrace the Positives:
Celebrate the positives of your relationship. Being with a bisexual man can offer a unique perspective on love and attraction. Embrace the diversity and richness it brings to your life.
Be Proud:
Be proud of your partner and your relationship. Whether you’re at a social event, with family, or just the two of you, show your love and pride openly.
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